I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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