Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
