her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
