I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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