Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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