3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my poor anus
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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