Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
