That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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