Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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