Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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