Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
