69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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