no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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