just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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