toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
