But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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