I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
