Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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