do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
