The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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