I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
