I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
