so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
