it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
