Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
