apparently the secret to your success is patron
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
