I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
