He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
