I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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