Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
