First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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