Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
