just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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