im six kinds of drunk right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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