I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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