I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
