I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
