last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
