I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
