my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My dick has a subreddit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
