First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
