please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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