she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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