I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
