oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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