I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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