I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
