eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
