Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
