Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
