Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
