I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
