I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
