Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
